****** Spiff Stuff, Issue 6 ****** "The Musical Powerhorn Song List" TABLE OF CONTENTUAL STUFF: ------- 1 - The DemiGod Speaks 2 - Spiff News 3 - The Top Ten Military Names For Common Household Items 4 - Sites Of The Time Between Issues 5 - Spiff Stuff On The Web! 6 - Neato Thing To Do Of The Time Between Issues 7 - The Contribution Begging 8 - In Closing ********************* THE DEMIGOD SPEAKS! Well, the medication has kicked in, so I guess it's time to write this issue. It includes four news stories AND a Top Ten List! These facts may bring out a few question: 1 - What's with all the delays??? 2 - Why can't there be a Top Ten List every issue??? To answer the last question first, shut up. Moving on, the delays have been caused by the unavoidable fact that I have a life. You must be think that I've been babbling enough, so here are some more of my incoherent ramblings: This issue's topic: Where did love come from? (Abridged Version). Here Goes..... On the planet Xenon, the evil Khlodites had enslaved the pacifistic Zyklonoskians for thousands of years. The Zyklonoskians had never tried to revolt, fearing an inevitable death....... Basically, it ends in a goofy Steven Seagal fight scene, but I may have already told you too much. Any more, and I'd have to kill you. ********************* SPIFF NEWS "Come On Down!" Cleveland Mayor Micheal White, who has as much power over the schools as the voters do, excused every student from classes, so they can go to the Indians thank you parade. Of course, since most of the students don't read, watch, OR listen to the news, it didn't help much. The Mayor is most certainly practicing for when he has to close the schools, once they completely run out of money. "NO WAY!" Bookies everywhere are kicking themselves, now that the Chicago Bears have finally won a game. Of all the teams in the NFL, the Bears actually beat the Dolphins. Go figure. Jimmy Johnson, the Dolphins' head coach, had the following to say: "I knew something was wrong. It all started after we spotted them 30 points, then they scored a field goal. It wasn't fair. The fact that the team agreed to play with one hand tied behind their backs, pretty much explains the turnovers. We though they agreed not to score........" "Down, Down, Down......In A Ring Of Fire......." Bill Gates, owner of 51% of the shares of the universe, lost over one billion dollars during the recent stock drop. Here's a list of how he'll have to cut back to cover the loss: * He no longer lights his cigars with 100 dollar bills; Forced to use 50s. * He fired 2000 employees. Sure, he didn't need to, but it made him feel good. * To cover slightly more than the loss, he sells five 286 computers to the Cleveland Public Schools * Now he can't Super Size "BITE ME!" Marv Albert, the man who just doesn't know the meaning of "nibble", received his official slap on the wrist. He received a suspended sentence, meaning he won't have to worry about chewing that rough prisoner skin. Here were some other considered sentences: * Forced to be the subject of a Kitty Kelly biography. * Doesn't go to prison, but has to stay in hotel's "Bob Costas" suite for a week. * Has to clean all of the bathrooms in Grand Central Station. With his tongue. * After several minutes of intense training, Marv becomes the next American to ride the joybuggy of doom, Russian Space Station Mir. * Forced to watch the NBA on NBC every time, and see Hanna Storm take his job. "Zelda (20)64?" In yet another example of covering their own asses, Nintendo has delayed the release of Zelda 64, possibly to late March. Here are some other possible release dates: "When pigs fly." "When the WB has a share of the Television ratings." "When Spiff Stuff is sent out on time again." "When the Cleveland Public Schools get OUT of the red." "When Sara actually writes something HAPPY." "When 90210 gets cancelled." "Whenever the hell it comes out." Upon release, Zelda will bring the total number of N64 games into double digits. ********************* THE TOP TEN....... "Military Names For Common Household Items" 10 - Gravitational Geometric Spherical Solid Attachmenting Aparatus (Nail) 9 - Fluidic And Semi-Solid Waste Control And Disposal Utensil (Toilet) 8 - Coilable Leather Uniform Adjustment And Securement Device (Belt) 7 - Moisture Retainment And Redistribution System (Plastic Cup) 6 - Pixilized Aerometric Multi-Appearable Navigational Representational Geographic Targetter (Computer Mouse) 5 - Rectagular Coarse Information Containment And Distribution Aparatus (Sheet Of Paper) 4 - Reflective Ordination Aerial Feigning Autonomic Disruption Averter (Origami Bird) 3 - Cylindrical Elongated Sheathable Scalable Informational And Recreational Recorder (Mechanical Pencil) 2 - Leather Trifolded Secure Economic Transportation And Procurement System (Wallet) 1 - Orientational Spherical Multi-Directional Ergonomic Self-Representational Incompetence Compensator (Compass) ********************* SITES OF THE TIME BETWEEN ISSUES! MSNBC. Why? I don't know. I guess SOMEONE should watch it, other than it's employees. http://www.msnbc.com Planet Quake http://www.planetquake.com Tripod http://www.tripod.com The Nintendo 64 Page http://www.n64.com ********************* THE SPIFF WEB PAGE I need to find a copy of issue three for the archives. Once I do, Spiff is getting a much needed update. You can visit the page at: http://www.fortunecity.com/skyscraper/skyliner/110 ********************* NEATO THING TO DO OF THE TIME BETWEEN ISSUES! I'm working on something special. I'm looking for entries for my "Spiff-ionary". Here are the requirements: * Make at least 5 words, with at least 40 letters in each. * Give each of them a meaning. * Send them to spiffstuff@iname.com I'll be posting what I get, and the first edition of the Spiff-ionary will come out sometime around Christmas. ********************* BEGGING FOR CONTRIBUTIONS Aren't ANY of you creative? Come on, what else do you have in life? Happiness? Money? Love? Well they don't matter! Not as long as I don't get contributions! :-) ********************* CONTRIBUTIONS READ ABOVE! AND SEND SOMETHING IN!!!!!!!!!! ********************* IN CLOSING Well, now it's time......to say goddbye.......to all our family........ Nah. Won't be THAT mean! Just remember: * CONTRIBUTE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! * Tell others about Spiff Stuff!!! * Do a little dance, make a little love, get down tonight! Until Next Time (Whenever that may be.), Full List Of Tunes In Numerical Order As Programmed! ****** Anthony Bucchioni ****** --- The DemiGod --- spiffstuff@iname.com *** The Omniverse *** http://www.geocities.com/Athens/Acropolis/9857